Broadway McKean

Tracy Letts' new play, "Superior Donuts," has found its Broadway leading man -- Michael McKean. He will open each show by yelling, "Hello Milwaukee!"

Vampire Robbery

A robber left his mark on a San Antonio victim by biting her left arm. Authorities will be questioning Robert Pattinson in the morning.

Turtles Be Walking

A runway at John F. Kennedy International Airport was shut down briefly Wednesday morning after at least 78 turtles emerged from a nearby bay and crawled onto the tarmac. Prior to the shutdown, all planes were diverted to the Potomac River.

Another Dead Author

John A. Keel, author of "The Mothman Prophecies," died Friday. Unfortunately, he was alive to see the movie adaptation of his book.

Boy in a Closet

Police in Bennington, Vt., say a man spent almost six years sexually abusing a boy whom he hit, threatened and locked in a bedroom while denying him food and water. The man is known as the 'King of Vermont.'

DUI X II

Police arrested a Woodbine, Md. a 20-year-old woman twice in five hours on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol on Friday. On the plus side, she did not shoot Steve McNair.

Robbery Gone Good?

A Long Island convenience store owner confronted by a bat-wielding would-be robber said Tuesday he decided to show mercy on the man after he collapsed in tears claiming he was only committing the crime to support his starving family. They then broke into a "I Dreamed a Dream.'

Anger Issues

A New Hampshire man has been arrested for the 153rd time, this time after he was accused of punching someone in the face over the weekend. Two more and he becomes an honorary Kennedy.

No More Topless Coffee

An early morning fire destroyed a topless coffee shop in Maine that created a controversy when it opened in February. After seeing some of the women in Maine, it is considered a 'mercy arson.'

Eminem Hates Autoworkers

Eminem says he and Jimmy Kimmel will fly about 200 laid-off autoworkers to Los Angeles for Friday's taping of his appearance on Kimmel's show. The rapper feels the autoworkers have not suffered enough.