Eva Longoira Likes to Shop

Eva Longoria went on a £35,000 shopping spree as she opened the Harrods Winter Sale on Thursday (28.12.06). To top it off, she kicked a homeless guy on the way to her car.

Niki Taylor Marries

Model Niki Taylor and NASCAR driver Burney Lamar have tied the knot. They share a mutual interest in car crashes.

Not That I Have a Log

A Des Moines man faces charges for a fight that left two men injured, which may have involved an unusual weapon, a log. Must be a big fan of 'Twin Peaks.'

Giving Birth on the Train

A high-speed train had to make an unscheduled stop when a woman gave birth to a baby in the restaurant car, officials said Thursday. The train conductor immediately collected fare for the extra passenger.

Stolen Car

A carjacking suspect called 911 and turned himself in to police after he crashed a stolen sport utility vehicle twice and got lost while fleeing the crime scene, authorities said. Another reason not to put a GPS system in your car.

Stuck in an Elevator

A 19-year-old woman who disappeared was found stuck in an elevator in a suburban Paris housing project for three days, the French press reported Friday. She still smelled better than most Frenchmen.

Beckham Can't Act

Victoria Beckham has admitted she "can't act to save her life". Can't sing either.

Rocky Balboa

Sylvester Stallone has said filming the sixth Rocky movie was more painful than making the first five films combined. But only half as painful as watching Rocky V.

Gossip Columnist Sentenced

Former Us Weekly gossip columnist Timothy McDarrah, arrested in New York last year by undercover federal agents, has been found guilty of charges related to soliciting sex with a minor. Apparently McDarrah does not watch NBC at 8:00 on Saturday nights.

John Edwards for President

Former Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards is running for president, his campaign said yesterday. He is looking forward to his best possible income, third place in the Democratic primary.

Latex-covered Strippers

Topless dancers in Alabama aren't really topless -- dancers are spraying themselves with skin-colored latex. Good news guys, no more condoms.

Seth Meyers' Birthday

"Comedian" Seth Meyers is 33 today. He is not old enough to remember 'Saturday Night Live' when it was still on the air.

Gerald Ford No Like Iraq

President George W. Bush and his top advisers made a "big mistake" in their justification for invading Iraq, Gerald Ford told journalist Bob Woodward in an interview embargoed until after the former president's death. Between 'Deep Throat' and Ford, Woodward's pretty good at getting scoops from dead guys.

Priest Tackles Teenager

A Roman Catholic priest tackled a teenage boy he found rummaging through a church rectory Tuesday, foiling a theft attempt, police said. He then rummaged through the boy's rectum.

Man Drinks During Arrest

Police say a man, Patrick Allain, 35, they pulled over for driving drunk continued to swig his beer during his arrest. His geneology showed a direct link to the Kennedys.

Blasting Loud Music

A Japanese woman charged with inflicting injury on her neighbor by blasting rock music at her house for 2 1/2 years was given a 20-month prison term, a court official said. At least we now know who the one person was that bought the Kevin Federline album.

Missing Body Found

The body of a U.S. climber missing for more than a month has been found on a remote mountain in southwestern China while a second climber is still missing and presumed dead, a rescue coordinator said Wednesday. The body would have been found earlier but the rescue vehicle was driven by a Chinese guy.

Kidman and Urban Reunite

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have reunited in the actress' hometown of Sydney after the Australian-reared country singer completed treatment for alcohol abuse, media reports said Wednesday. A toast to the happy couple.

Heroin and Infants

A 31-year-old father is scheduled to be arraigned in New Bedford District Court today after police say they found over 15 grams of heroin in a car with his infant son. It is the sign of a great father when he is willing to take the rap to cover for his son.

Gerald Ford Died

Gerald R. Ford Jr., the 38th president of the United States died yesterday. Chevy Chase is officially irrelevant.

Ben Stiller and his Zipper

Ben Stiller has confessed the famous zipper accident in 'There's Something About Mary' was based on his own experience. No it wasn't.

Comedians Donating Food

Paul Rodriguez, Dane Cook, Paul Mooney, John Lovitz and other comedians dished out a free Christmas meal and a side of standup to more than a thousand people at a comedy club. Then everyone fell asleep. It is unsure what caused the slumber, the turkey or Dane Cook.

Gallagher Being Sued

Comedian Gallagher, known for smashing watermelons during his performances, was accused of shoving an audience member and now faces a lawsuit. Serves the audience member right for going to a Gallagher show.

Robin Williams' New Movie

After spending two months ensconced quietly in an Oregon rehab program, Robin Williams is back making laughs onscreen. Back? The next person that laughs at Robin Williams will be the first.

Mall Shooting

Two men charged in a deadly Christmas Eve mall shooting were ordered held without bail Tuesday as police tried to determine the motive in the killing that set off panic among holiday shoppers. Motive? There were zombies everywhere. Hasn't anyone seen 'Dawn of the Dead'?

Robbing David Palmer

Breaking into a home apparently creates an appetite. The burglar who broke into David Palmer's house in this northeast Ohio town over the weekend took coins, a camera and other items and then stopped to make a sandwich, investigators say. I'd stop too if I was robbing the President.

Free Money

A woman hopped aboard buses, greeted passengers with "Merry Christmas" and handed each an envelope containing a card and a $50 bill before stepping off and repeating the process on another bus. If Oprah was not a huge hypocrite, she would be this woman.

Movie Gets Kids Expelled

Making a movie in which evil teddy bears attack a teacher got two budding filmmakers expelled from their high school. Couldn't have been any worse than 'Hostel.'

Boy Driving a Bus

A 15-year-old boy has been sentenced to four years in a juvenile treatment program after deputies stopped him driving a stolen bus along a public transit route, picking up passengers and collecting fares. Because he was so timely, he was sentenced for making the other drivers look bad.

Sandler Gives Gifts

Adam Sandler sent a Sony Playstation 3 loaded with games, signed DVDs, jerseys and an autographed "Longest Yard" poster to Stephanie and Kevin Hudon, two kids suffering from cancer. The Hudon siblings immediately sent back the DVDs.

Sandler Gives Gifts

Adam Sandler sent a Sony Playstation 3 loaded with games, signed DVDs, jerseys and an autographed "Longest Yard" poster to Stephanie and Kevin Hudon, two kids suffering from cancer. The Hudon siblings immediately sent back the DVDs.

Kevin Federline vs. John Cena

Kevin Federline is going to fight the World Wrestling Entertainment champion John Cena on New Year's Day - and is confident he will win. Either way, come January 2, an awful white rapper will be the WWE champion.

Harry Potter Dreaming

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling says she has dreamed that she was the boy wizard as she writes the seven-book series' final installment -- work she says has left her feeling both "elated and overwrought." I dream that I am a giant panda bear that has sex with Scarlett Johannsen but you don't see my writing a crappy book.

Teenage Drug Use

Teens increasingly are getting high with legal drugs like painkillers and mood stimulants, and they're turning to cough syrup as well, says a government survey released Thursday. No shit.

John Edwards in NH

Former Sen. John Edwards will speak at an elementary school next week, over the objections of some city officials. Though he will not be reading 'My Pet Goat.'

Hibernating Man

A man who went missing in western Japan survived in near-freezing weather without food and water for over three weeks by falling into a state similar to hibernation, doctors said. Most people call it a coma.

Biting Baby's Toes

A woman jailed after four of her infant daughter's toes were gnawed off says the family's pet ferret did it, not their pit bull pup as police had said. But we all know pit bulls like to eat little piggies.

100 Million Passengers

A Taiwanese woman who arrived at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday was named the 100 millionth passenger of the year at the region's three major airports. The Taiwanese woman then gave a Delta pilot a $5 handjob.

Deval Patrick Hearts Special-Interests

Special-interest groups spent just under $4 million to support or oppose candidates for state office this year, the bulk of it geared to Democrat Deval Patrick's campaign, according to figures released Thursday by the Office of Campaign and Political Finance. But Deval said he was not a product of special interests? He lied? A politician lied? Say it ain't so, Deval.

Sean Penn: As Clever as Ever

Sean Penn warned an audience unless they challenge President Bush and Vice President Cheney over the Iraq war they will become "c*m stains". Little known fact, 100% of porn stars voted for Bush.

Jolie Hates Cheaters

Angelina Jolie says stealing another woman's husband is "one of the worst things you can do". Hey look, that kettle is black.

Britney Cheated

Britney Spears may have been cheating on Kevin Federline before she filed for divorce. I kept my mouth shut, so I do not know how this got out.

Baby Left Behind

A 3-month-old baby was left unattended in a shopping cart for about an hour Sunday when her parents accidentally left her behind, police said. Police did not know Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were back together.

Slim Cop

Michael Warren, a 20-year-old Wintersville resident who once tipped the scales at more than 300 pounds lost 125 pounds in 18 months to pursue a career in law enforcement. Now that he has been sworn in, he expects to swell right back up to 300.

X-Ray the Baby

A woman mistakenly put her 1-month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said. It got weird when the X-ray machine discovered half a dozen balloons full of heroin shoved in the baby's anal cavity.

Miss USA Keeps Crown

Miss USA Tara Conner, who had come under criticism amid rumors she had been frequenting bars while underage, will be allowed to keep her title, Donald Trump announced Tuesday. She should be back to being a nobody by Wednesday at 2:31 p.m.

Trey Anastasio Arrested

Guitarist Trey Anastasio was accused of driving under the influence of drugs in an upstate New York town near the Vermont border early Friday. Yet another reason why Phish sucks.

Damon and Affleck: Together Again

Matt Damon is planning to work with Ben Affleck again. Affleck will cater the next 'Bourne Identity' movie.

Look What I Did

A man who parked illegally in a space reserved for handicapped drivers was sentenced to stand outside the store with a sign telling everyone about his crime. Good thing he was not arrested for exposing himself.

Killer Snake

A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said. The man's tombstone will read: 'At least it wasn't a stingray.'

Smuggling Birds

U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents said Monday they seized seven birds from two men as they re-entered the United States from Canada via Buffalo's Peace Bridge. You know when you watch a magician and he makes birds disapper? Well, he plants them on random people crossing the border.

Christmas in Jail

Twenty-three people who took plea agreements to avoid prison time in Franklin County will get a taste of life behind bars this Christmas -- by spending the holiday in jail. They are said to be ecstatic to avoid their families.

Bad Crack

A North Carolina woman was arrested after complaining to a police officer that the crack cocaine she had just purchased wasn't very good, authorities said. Britney Spears will plead guilty to possession.

Britney Spears Has Two Nipples

Britney Spears flashed her nipples in another revealing outfit on Tuesday night. God Bless cocaine.

Tom Brady Single Again

US Weekly reported yesterday that Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan have broken up, ending a relationship that once seemed a good bet to end in wedded bliss. Tom, call me.

Pamela Anderson Likes to det Married

Pamela Anderson claims she would have married anybody this summer because she was in such a good mood. 'Good Mood' is latin for 'haven't been in the tabloids for two months.'

Guns in Schools

A Nevada state senator and also-ran in this year's Republican primary for governor says the Legislature should consider letting teachers carry guns in classrooms to stem a rise in school violence. After reading the pepper spray story, I think it's a helluva idea.

Pepper Spraying Kids

An elementary school pupil got ahold of pepper spray that was attached to a teacher's key chain Thursday and sprayed it in a crowded hallway, sending 14 children and a teacher to the hospital for treatment. Next time he is going to pull the fire alarm like a normal kid.

Nazi Cookies

An artist who was forced to remove his Nazi gingerbread men from the window of a hardware store has set up the display in an empty storefront in another town. I gotta admit, I got nothing.

Sick School

A stomach bug has sent at least 280 students and 12 staff members home sick today from an elementary school in Tewksbury. On Monday, students are encouraged to pack their own lunch.

Scarlett: Naked and Ignored

Scarlett Johansson claims nobody ogled her when she stripped off for the cover of Vanity Fair magazine. Well yeah, ever since I was banned from the Vanity Fair offices.

Bob Dylan Causes Suicide

Bob Dylan wants to stop the release of new film 'Factory Girl' because he believes it falsely implies he was responsible for Edie Sedgwick's suicide. Apparently he has never listened to his own music.

Brangelina: Family of Year

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their three children have been named 'Family of the Year'. The Hollywood couple - who met on the set of 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' - were given the accolade by People magazine. So for all those dudes out there banging the hot chick at work behind your wife's back.. this award's for you.

Toilet Python

An Australian wildlife worker pulled a 7-foot python out of a septic tank Wednesday after a plumber found it hiding in a woman's toilet, officials said. Kids, don't flush baby snakes down the toilet. Haven't you ever seen 'Alligator'?

Peeing in a Bottle

A teacher who did not have time to escort three students to the restroom is under fire for allegedly telling them to urinate in a soda bottle. Next time, he is encouraged to have them piss on the floor like a bunch of dogs.

World's Smallest Dog

Brandy the Chihuahua is 6 inches long and weighs less that two pounds and according to Guinness, officially the Smallest Dog in the World. In China, she is known as an appetizer.

Stealing Baby Formula

Police say a man stole nearly $500 of baby formula at a supermarket then led police on a brief chase on Interstate 93. The baby apparently weights 370 lbs.

7-Legged Deer

Rick Lisko hunts deer with a bow but got his most unusual one driving his truck down his mile-long driveway. The young buck had nub antlers -- and seven legs. Ted Nugent is jealous.

Tori Spelling's Baby Boy

Tori Spelling is expecting a boy. He is expected to sell for $10,000 at her next estate sale.

Angelina and Brad

Angelina Jolie has confessed for the first time that she fell for Brad Pitt while he was still married. No shit.

Bob Barker Loves Elephants

Game show host Bob Barker will pledge $300,000 toward housing an elephant from the Los Angeles Zoo in an animal sanctuary, his publicist said Tuesday. He will then cut its balls off.

Amy Poehler's New Show

"Saturday Night Live" star Amy Poehler is bringing her comedy skills to a new arena: cartoons. The goal is to make the show as unwatchable as 'Saturday Night Live.'

Camp is Good

A former church camp leader was arrested on child pornography charges and accused of trying to coax girls, at least one of them a former camper, to pose partly naked or perform a sex act. Church officials were ecstatic that it is was girls.

Arresting Illegals

Gov. Mitt Romney signed an agreement with federal authorities Wednesday that allows Massachusetts State Police troopers to detain suspected illegal aliens they encounter over the course of their normal duties. The population of Lawrence is expected to drop 90% by 2008.

Mall Shopping

Forget Amazon.com and other online retailers - a new survey shows that two-thirds of respondents expect to do the majority of their holiday shopping at the mall. Shoppers cited Amazon.com's lack of 15-yeard old blondes walking around in mini-skirts.

Knievel Sues Kanyevel

Evel Knievel has sued Kanye West, taking issue with a music video in which the rapper takes on the persona of "Evel Kanyevel" and tries to jump a rocket-powered motorcycle over a canyon. Evel Knievel does not care about black people.

Underwood to Iraq

Country music star Carrie Underwood has signed up to entertain troops on her first United Service Organizations tour of the Persian Gulf. The hope is that she will remind the troops that being in Iraq is not so bad after all.

Lindsay Lohan: Stripper

Lindsay Lohan has been attending strip classes with her mother. Yeah, that's healthy.

Teen Gets 90 Years in Prison

A 17-year-old was sentenced yesterday to 90 years in prison for an hours-long attack on a boy who was beaten, kicked, stomped, burned, and sodomized with the plastic pole of a patio umbrella. It was either that or join the NYPD.

Kucinich Runs Again

Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich launched his second bid for president on Tuesday, a long-shot candidacy fueled by his frustration with his party's effort to end the Iraq war. The campaign is expected to boost Kucinich's speaking fee.

Black Congressman

On this date in 1870, Joseph H. Rainey of South Carolina became the first black lawmaker sworn into the U.S. House of Representatives. He was said to be, "well-spoken."

City Hall for Sale

Mayor Thomas M. Menino proposed in a morning speech today to sell the current City Hall and City Hall Plaza to private developers and relocate the seat of city government to Drydock Four on the South Boston Waterfront. This is the first time money going to City Hall will be over the table.

Strip Club Shooting

Three people died and two police officers were shot this morning after a gunman wearing body armor and dressed head-to-toe in black stormed the Foxy Lady strip club in New Bedford and opened fire, police said. Too bad Axl Foley wasn't there with Taggert and Rosewood.

Nicolas Cage Pulling Back

After more than 55 films, Nicolas Cage plans to cut back on acting to pursue other interests. God Bless Nicolas Cage.

Nicole Richie Arrested

Nicole Richie was arrested early Monday for investigation of driving under the influence of alcohol, authorities said. Police knew she was drunk when they found her driving on the ceiling.

McCartney's Secret Settlement

Sir Paul McCartney will pay estranged wife Heather Mills £120million in a secret divorce settlement, it has been reported. He will then buy a dictionary and look up the word, 'secret.'

Ben Affleck's New Movie

Ben Affleck was terrified as he showcased his directorial debut to movie studio bosses yesterday. But not as terrified as the studio bosses were after watching it.

Man Stuck in Chimney

A man who was locked out of his house in this Denver suburb tried to get in by sliding down the chimney early Friday, but he got stuck and had to be rescued, authorities said. Over/Under on hearing stories like this over the next two weeks? Thirteen.

Girlfriend Steals to Impress Boyfriend

A married woman stole items worth tens of thousands of dollars in a string of burglaries to make her boyfriend think she had a high-paying job, authorities said. My girlfriend won't even throw away her junk mail.

Mo' Nique's Birthday

Actress-comedian Mo'Nique ("The Parkers") is 38 today. That is also her waist size.

Crashing Helicopters in Iraq

A U.S. Marine helicopter carrying 21 people made a hard landing in volatile Anbar province on Monday, injuring 18, the military said. It was the third U.S. military aircraft to go down in the province in two weeks. That is what happens when your helicopter flying instructer is Vic Morrow.

Kessel Being Treated

The Bruins say rookie center Phil Kessel is being treated for a medical issue not related to hockey. **Cough*** Vaginosis ***Cough***

Farrah Fawcett Says Thank You

Farrah Fawcett has said thank you to the fans who have supported her during her battle with cancer. Both were ecstatic.

Too Much No-Ice

Anti-icing chemicals meant to prevent crashes were blamed for sending trucks and cars sliding all over the road after too much of the slipper goo was shot onto interstate exit ramps in preparation for a storm. Officials in Fort Wayne, IN plan to stop using banana scented No-Ice.

ATV Park

A preliminary plan for the new state park at Jericho Lake in New Hampshire calls for 136 miles of trails for all-terrain vehicles, including a junior ATV trail and more than four miles of paths for four-wheel-drive vehicles. It will be called Vermont.

Barry Bonds' New Contract

Barry Bonds' agent said Thursday the free-agent slugger could sign a new contract whenever he wants. "He could snap his fingers and get a deal done," Jeff Borris said. Unfortunately, years of injecting cow steriods prevents Bonds from actually snapping his fingers.

Tight Clothes

Authorities in a Malaysian city have warned waitresses and female staff of retail outlets that they face a $138 fine if they wear revealing and tight fitting clothes, a news report said Tuesday. If they could add this policy to the 'Christmas Tree Shops,' I would be all for it.

Drunk on a Float

A man driving a float in the Anderson Christmas parade has been charged with drunk driving after he passed another float then sped down Main Street, police say. He was pulled over because he failed to use his directional.

Liam and Lennon

Liam Gallagher claims he was once visited by the ghost of his idol John Lennon. The former Beatle told him to stop.

Jackie Chan Porn

Jackie Chan starred in an adult film when he was a struggling actor. The martial arts expert, famous for his death-defying stunts, appeared in a Hong Kong made X-rated movie entitled 'All In The Family' 31 years ago when he was an unknown 21-year-old. It was a small part.

Hispanics in Arkansas

Gov. Mike Huckabee said Wednesday the nation is being given a chance to make up for past racism by the way it handles the influx of Hispanics. He said they will not 'be hung upside down with a fork up their a**.'

Deval Patrick Parties

Massachusetts Governor-elect Deval L. Patrick's supporters plan to accept donations from corporate and individual sponsors to pay for an inaugural celebration that is expected to cost about $1 million, more than any in state history, and stretch over five days next month, organizers said yesterday. Patrick wanted to get a head start on being a complete failure as governor.

New Year's Eve in Portland

After a run of 23 years, Portland's annual New Year's Eve festival has been canceled this year after organizers failed to turn up a corporate sponsor. So please, drink and drive instead.

Farting on a Plane

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said. American Airlines will no longer serve food.

Michael Jackson Molestation Charges

Michael Jackson will not face new child molestation and fraud charges. However, the singer still stands accused of assault, battery, wilful misconduct, false imprisonment and sexual battery allegations brought by Daniel Kapon. I'm sorry, I lost track. Which kid is this again? They all start to blend together after the first 90 or so.

Taco Bell Will Make You Sick

An E. coli outbreak that has sickened at least 22 people was linked yesterday to three Taco Bell restaurants in New Jersey. That is their new record low.

Race in Schools

The Supreme Court justices, hearing arguments on school integration, signaled yesterday that they are likely to bar the use of race when assigning students to public schools. Somehow, I blame Michael Richards.

Stealing from the Boy Scouts

The Boy Scouts of Wayland, MA were galled yesterday to learn that someone had stolen as many as 50 of the 200 trees they had had shipped from Nova Scotia and had arrayed beside a church. Those Brownie bitches will pay.

ESPN Buys Another Network

ESPN agreed to buy cable channel NASN in an effort to broadcast more American sports in Europe. The goal is to have Londoners yelling 'boo-ya' by the end of 2007.

Serena Williams' Dog

A pit bull registered to tennis star Serena Williams allegedly nipped at a security guard's buttocks outside her home. The dog was then sold to Naomi Campbell.

Roman Polanski Honored

Roman Polanski was honored with a lifetime achievement award in the country of his childhood at the 19th annual European Film Awards. He was then seen celebrating with enough 12-year olds to fill an entire season of 'Dateline.'

Britney Goes to the Bathroom

Britney Spears and Brandon Davis were seen disappearing into the toilets at an exclusive Los Angeles nightspot. Can't a trainwreck, recently separated, mother of two do a little coke in peace anymore?

Drunk Baby

A 2-month-old girl was hospitalized with a blood-alcohol level more than four times the legal limit for an adult driver. Meet Baby Kennedy.

Kids at the White House

Dozens of children cashed in their equivalent of a golden ticket on Monday: a greeting from the president and a private showing of "Willy Wonka" at the White House. It got awkward when Chris Hansen jumped out of the oval office.

Nude Drive Thru

A teen accused of ordering from at least three fast food drive-thrus nude faces an indecent exposure charge. He claimed to be elminating the middle man, aka pants, for when the Arby's went through him.

Condom Art

A one-day art exhibit on the Indiana University campus includes works created from condoms. The display, called "Latexhibition," was created to mark World AIDS Day on Friday. Another case of Jackson Pollack being ripped off.

Bingo = Molestation

A man who pleaded guilty to molesting two girls told a judge he did it because of his wife's excessive bingo playing. Yet another reason to never get married.

Cruise's Mansion stinks

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' new British love nest is currently inhabitable - because it stinks of sewage... and publicity stunts.

Eva Longoria Engaged

Eva Longoria has got engaged to basketball star Tony Parker. The actress made the announcement on Thursday because it had been 11 days since she was last on 'Access Hollywood.' The couple plans on breaking up when season three of 'Desperate Housewives' is released on DVD.

Stealing Jokes

The "Tonight Show" host and NBC Studios have sued humor editor Judy Brown and her publishers in U.S. District Court, claiming that her collection of joke books has profited from material filched from his standup routines. Carlos Mencia has left the country.

Cooking a Dog

A man who burned a dog to death in the oven of a house he was robbing has been sentenced to 15 years in prison, a prosecutor said. No, he wasn't Chinese. Racist.

Growing Pot

Police say grow lights being used to help cultivate a small marijuana patch in the attic of a duplex were too close to the floor. They sparked a fire that sent ten people to the street around two o'clock this morning. Coincidentally, IHOP was packed with firemen later that morning.

Man Falls Asleep on 20th Floor

A window washer working on a downtown Nashville high-rise building apparently fell asleep on the job, authorities say. Apparently this dude does not suffer from nightmares where he is falling.

Mommy will be ready in 45 minutes

A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children. The kids objected because they did not have a chance to stuff her first.

Tasering a Python

A police officer used a Taser to subdue a python that had wrapped itself around a man's arm and would not let go. Not about that wife of his...

Faking Cancer

A New Hampshire teacher who faked having cancer pleaded guilty to collecting $25,000 in unwarranted health benefits from teaching in New York and for trying unsuccessfully to get a $110,000 retirement payout. Fortunately, when she does get cancer, there will be nothing for the cancer to eat away because she has no soul.

Raising Money in Concord, MA

The Board of Selectmen in Concord, MA is considering a unique approach to raising money for government services this year -- a direct appeal to residents above and beyond property taxes. All part of the plan to perpetuate the Taxachusetts stereotype.