Accidental Overdose for Mischa Barton

Mischa Barton was rushed to the hospital after accidentally mixing her medication with alcohol. I once 'accidentally' mixed my Jack Daniel's with Jameson and had the same reaction.

Pirate of the Caribbean 4?

Johnny Depp wants to star in another two "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies. Depp, who plays Captain Jack Sparrow, insists he is not ready to say goodbye to his beloved character. But mostly he'll miss the paychecks.

Wrestling a Cat

A man clad only in underwear and a T-shirt wrestled a wild leopard to the floor and pinned it for 20 minutes after the cat leapt through a window of his home and hopped into bed with his sleeping family. He then made sweet, methodical love to the feline.

TPing a House

Police ticketed a 39-year-old woman this week after she allegedly drove seven kids to a teacher's home to toilet paper it. In all fairness, the house did look like crap.

No Salary for Romney

Republican Mitt Romney, conceding that his business career helped him make more money than he expected, said Tuesday he would likely give his presidential salary -- and more -- to charity. He is still unsure if he will take advantage of the George W. Bush 52 weeks of paid vacation standard.

Kylie Minogue Manhunt

Kylie Minogue has reportedly hired a team of personal assistants to help her find a man. Two words for you honey: Dorechester, Massachusetts.

Finding Your Wallet

A man who lost his wallet in 1970 got it back after 37 years with everything still inside. I would not recommend using the condom.

Stealing Mastodon

Thieves stole a 65-pound mastodon jawbone and other artifacts from a display at a bait and tackle shop. Chris Amstutz, owner of White River Bait & Tackle, said someone entered through a window early Monday morning and took the items that he had collected through the years. The thieves were described as a 'colony of birchmen.'

Falling Out a Window

A 3-year-old fell from his fifth-floor apartment but was recovering Thursday, authorities said. Connor Ehlers suffered a lacerated head, among other injuries, and was in fair condition, hospital officials said. If you name your child Connor, keep him away from windows. Ask Eric Clapton.

Paula Abdul's Nose

The "American Idol" judge broke her nose after she fell while trying to avoid stepping on her dog. Lesson learned: don't do coke off your dog.

Pot Candy

The Hershey Co. has sued a 40-year old man, for giving his marijuana goodies names like Stoney Rancher, Rasta Reese's and Keef Kat. Each came in packaging similar to Hershey's Jolly Rancher, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kat candies, according to the Drug Enforcement Administration. Burnouts across the country now fear Duncan Hines.

Shot to the Head

A small-caliber bullet struck 37-year-old Michael Lusher in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head, said Cpl. R.H. McQuaid of the Cabell County Sheriff's Department. Lusher was drunk.

Angry Squirrel

A 47-year-old woman who wanted to help a sickly squirrel ended up being scratched and bitten by the animal, according to a police report. That is why I stay away from homeless people.

Anne Heche

Anne Heche’s estranged husband has accused her of being "bizarre and delusional". He then added that tomorrow is Saturday.

Carnegie Mellon Mascot

More than a century after Carnegie Mellon University opened its doors, the school is getting an official mascot. It is a rich kid.

Animals in the Fire

Firefighters responding to a small basement fire Thursday morning were startled to find a 10-foot python, two cobras, tarantulas and an assortment of other creatures inside. And hot flames.

Virginia Tech Student Released

A student who was shot in the face during last month's rampage at Virginia Tech has left the hospital, a spokesman said Friday. Unfortunately, because he was absent, he failed his final.

Demi Moore No Pregnancy

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's marriage is allegedly under pressure because of their failure to have a baby. I don't want to point fingers but only one of them is in their 40s.

Friendly Fire

Two sets of Pittsburgh-area brothers, including one pair who were firefighters, face charges that they set fires for fun. They also love early 80's Def Leppard.

VIP Movie Theaters

National Amusements, which operates more than 1,500 movie screens worldwide, today unveiled some details of a new version of its Cinema de Lux concept that includes a special seating area that seeks to pamper movie-goers with a "special VIP experience." Perk #1 is no Will Smith movies.

The Next Tom Brady?

Patriots rookie quarterback Matt Gutierrez has been compared to Tom Brady for his character. I, too, am very much like Tom Brady, because I am white.

Intercontinental Date

Justin Timberlake flew his actress lover Jessica Biel to the UK just so they could go on a date - quashing reports they are no longer an item. The date consisted of tons of banging.

Lindsay Lohan's New Movie

Lindsay Lohan has agreed to have sex on screen to prove she’s a great actress. Let me be the first to say she is awful at cleaning apartments.

Barney Frank Injured

U.S. Rep. Barney Frank has undergone minor surgery to repair a ruptured tendon in his left arm, his congressional office said Tuesday. So no hand jobs for a week.

Forgetting Your Wallet

A man accused of robbing a fast-food restaurant left lots of clues to his identity, police said. He dropped his wallet, which contained a photo identification card, his Social Security card and birth certificate, according to police. Good thing the thief was not an illegal immigrant.

Workers Compensation

Massachusetts Worker's Compensation Rates were cut by about 17 percent, leading to an estimated $170 million in savings for Mass. businesses, the state said today. Coincidentally, reservations at high-end stakeouts are at an all-time high.

Bruce Willis Upset

Bruce Willis is furious his "yippe-ki-yay, motherf**ker" catchphrase has been cut from his new 'Die Hard' movie. If the producers could cut out the remaining 102 minutes, that'd be great too.

Megan Fox

'Transformers' star Megan Fox quit waitressing because customers couldn't keep their hands off her "hot" body. Plus she was completely full of herself.

Smells Fishy

Rescuers cut through a filtration tank of dense fish feces to reach four workers who fell into the sludgy dung Friday while cleaning the 18-foot tank at a western Massachusetts farm. The workers are required to spend a week in New Jersey until the stink goes away.

Chinese Cat

After Eric Congdon opened a crate from China and discovered a cat inside, coming up with a name for the furry stowaway was easy. He named it 'Crab Rangoon.'

In and Out of Jail

A bumbling intruder broke into an empty New Zealand police station and accidentally locked himself in a cell, but managed to smash his way out again just before authorities arrived. See this and more on next season's 'Prison Break: Down Under.'

Ashley Judd Graduates

Ashley Judd received a bachelor's degree in French over the weekend from the University of Kentucky. She will now make awful movies in two languages.

Gun in the Bathroom

A Napa County sheriff's deputy walked into a bar bathroom and left without his gun, authorities said. The out-of-uniform officer forgot his loaded service revolver in the restroom of the Tradewinds Bar in downtown Cotati late Friday. And he did not even courtesy flush.

Stealing from Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart doesn't want thieves on its property, including two convicted shoplifters ordered by a judge to stand outside with signs reading "I am a thief, I stole from Wal-Mart." Other signs said, "I am white trash."

Tweeter Going Broke

Tweeter, the Canton, Mass., specialty-electronics retailer said it may choose to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection if it isn't able to raise enough money. Probably not a good idea to take a job if offered.

Pam Anderson's Son

Pamela Anderson's 10-year-old son chases away paparazzi with a baseball bat. Like father, like son, except substitute paparazzi with Pam, and baseball bat with fist.

Liv Tyler Will Exist.

Liv Tyler has vowed never to become a size zero. So has Rosie O'Donnell.

Kidney for an Ex

After more than 10 years of marriage, Chip and Cindy Altemos agreed about 5 years ago to separate, see other people, and begin divorce proceedings. But when 48-year-old Chip was hospitalized with kidney failure in September, Cindy, 49, offered him one of hers. He gave up half his money in exchange for half her kidneys.

Protesting Research

A colorful band of about 150 people paraded through mostly empty streets in Roxbury and the South End yesterday in an attempt to rally opposition to a high-security research laboratory now under construction at Boston University Medical Center. The demonstration was part of the pro-dumb movement.

Barry Bonds and Steriods

According to an ESPN/ABC News poll, 37 percent of black fans think Bonds used steroids. Coicidentally, 63 percent of black fans are retarded.

R. Kelly Sings for Virginia Tech

R. Kelly has written a new song, "Rise Up," about healing in the aftermath of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech. Officials at Virginia Tech added, "Thanks. But no thanks."

Toey Maguire Loves Kids

Tobey Maguire said he didn't leave his daughter's side for three weeks after she was born. He is also a huge liar.

Taco Reward

The owner of a Mexican restaurant in Utah is offering 500 tacos for information that leads to the arrest of the person who stole about $3,000. The owner is hoping the thief is enemies with a really fat dude.

Cheating at Duke

Duke University's Fuqua School of Business disciplined 34 first-year master of business administration students who were caught in the school's largest cheating scandal. Jesse Jackson added, "See, I told you. Duke students are up to no good. Another point for Jesse!"

Immigration Rally

Immigrant advocates in Massachusetts have planned a series of marches today from Springfield to Boston to coincide with May Day rallies across the nation as organizers try to build on the protests last year that drew more than 1 million people. Immigration activists felt the best way to demostrate that immigrants are not here to leech off the government is to not work and protest at great expense to the government.

Brady Helps Moss

Tom Brady agreed to restructure his contract to clear cap space for Randy Moss. A risky proposition considering the explosiveness of Brady's sperm.