Watts' Boobies

Naomi Watts had to breastfeed her seven-month-old son Alexander to keep him quiet on a 14-hour flight. Ever since, men have cried in her presence.

Mariah Carey on SNL

"Saturday Night Live" has replaced a flu-ridden Janet Jackson with another diva: Mariah Carey. Carey, 37, will fill in for Jackson on the March 15 "SNL" telecast, NBC announced Wednesday. This helps maintain their 'one washed-up singer' quota.

Four to a House

The Boston Zoning Commission set a limit of four yesterday on the number of college students who can live together off campus, a far-reaching decision that could spur a citywide crackdown on crowded student housing. All part of a plan to stop Hispanics from going to college in Boston.

Vice President Reinstated

An eighth-grade honors student who was suspended for a day, barred from attending an honors dinner and stripped of his title as class vice president after he was caught with contraband candy in school will get his student council post back, school officials said. The school district cited the long forgotted 'Marion Barry Law.'

Jolie Pitt Wedding

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are planning to marry in an "intimate" ceremony this summer. It will come after their PR staffs are 'baffled' that every reporter in the country knew exactly which out-of-the-way island to be at on a certain date.

No Janet on SNL

Janet Jackson has dropped out of her upcoming "Saturday Night Live" performance because she has the flu, the singer's representative said Tuesday. NBC executives expect a ratings spike.

Obama's Blackness

Democratic Sen. Barack Obama assailed as "slice and dice" politics Geraldine Ferraro's assertion that he wouldn't be where he is in the presidential race if he weren't black. This coming one day after Obama won the Mississippi Democratic Primary, essentially, because he is black.

Casinos Struggling

Slot machine revenues are off by more than 6 percent at Connecticut's casinos, Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun, in the five months ending Jan. 31, compared to a year ago. Racists.

Swayze Fighting Cancer

Patrick Swayze is being treated for pancreatic cancer but is doing well enough to continue working, his representative said Wednesday. Shocking news, that Swayze is still working.

Running in Heels

Like a herd of antelope, jockeying and shoving for position, 150 young women raced down Amsterdam's most famed fashion street in stiletto heels Thursday, racing for a $15,000 prize. The race ended at a strip joint, where the contestants promptly went back to work.

Hey Lawyer, Get a Job

A former lawyer convicted of stealing from clients has been told by a judge to get a job, even if it means shoveling snow off roofs. The lawyer then moved to Florida.

No More Umbrellas

Rihanna has insisted that all umbrellas be confiscated from fans, in case they injure themselves trying to copy the dance to her song "Umbrella." In a related story, Tool will stop playing 'Aenima' live.

Chuck E. Brawl

A child's birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant was cut short after a fight broke out between two mothers. The women were told to 'settle it in the ball cage.'

Man in a Dog House

A 19-year-old Pasco man is in jail after a police dog sniffed him out of a dog house. The man was said to have had a "nice smelling ass."

Bush Endorses McCain

President Bush endorsed McCain for president, a nod recognizing McCain as the party's choice. Bush then asked McCain about the borad he knocked up in Vietnam.