Gordon Gekko is Liberace

Michael Douglas, who has been battling throat cancer, will play the title part in Steven Soderbergh's "Liberace," which is set to begin shooting in May or June. Liberace battled throat problems himself after he swallowed a bad Frank.

If Jersey is a Rockin', So Too is Massachusetts

An earthquake that originated in New Jersey was felt as far away as Massachusetts. Turns out Snookie just passed out again.

Drebbin Dead

Comic actor Leslie Nielsen passed away in his sleep at the age of 84. His tombstone will not read 'Shirley.'

Look at Me! I Care! Not Really

Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, Serena Williams, and a gaggle of other celebrities whose total net worth is over $1 billion will be swearing off social media networks until their less well-to-do fans raise $1 million for Alicia Keys' AIDS charity. It was either that or pony up .0001% of their own money.

Crist Going Out on a Limb

Outgoing Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who steps down in January after losing an independent bid for the U.S. Senate, says he is concerned that political divisions are preventing elected officials of both parties from working together on the nation's problems. He entitled the speech, "Obvious Shit."

Blade Going Jail

A federal judge rejected movie star Wesley Snipes's demand for a new trial and ordered the actor to surrender to the US Bureau of Prisons to begin serving a 36-month prison sentence for tax-related crimes. He will soon learn that white men can jump you in the shower.

279/280th Empty or 1/280th Full?

The first former Guantanamo detainee, Ahmed Khalfan Ghailani, to be tried in a civilian court was acquitted of all but one of more than 280 charges of conspiracy and murder in the 1998 terrorist bombings of the US Embassies in Nairobi and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Or as reported by Fox News, Ghailani found guilty of conspiracy to destroy government buildings and property.

Double Down Under

Investigators in Colorado say the double shooting of Australian twin sisters was a suicide pact. The findings are in contrast to the original theory that the one sister shot the other and the bullet then boomeranged back to the shooter and killed her.

Learn or Be Learned

A top general says the Pentagon needs more troops trained in African cultures and languages to better confront the increasing terror threat coming out of East Africa and improve relations with the continent. Or those foreigners can just learn American like they should.

Tickle the Ivories

A Georgia piano importer has pleaded guilty to federal charges of illegally smuggling internationally protected elephant ivory into the U.S. The man poached the tusks after receiving an email from Nigeria informing him there were diamonds in the tusks.

Repercussions? Ha!

House Democrats elected Nancy Pelosi to remain as their leader Wednesday despite massive party losses in this month's congressional elections that prompted some lawmakers to call for new leadership.
"The Republicans did a similar thing with Bush in 2004 and that turned out swimmingly," said Pelosi.

Medicaid Fraud? In America? No Way

Federal prosecutors say a North Carolina woman submitted more than $600,000 in false Medicaid claims and used the money to buy a Bentley, a Hummer and spa services. She is now considered a front-runner for a Congressional seat in 2012.

Most Obvious Trap Ever

Rhode Island State Police say 15 people with outstanding warrants were arrested Wednesday after arriving at the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence for what they thought was a casting call to be extras for a locally produced movie. In Providence, Dunkin Donuts Center is code for police station.

Indie, Except Just the Opposite

Joel McHale will be hosting this year's Independent Spirit Awards. The guild felt he encompasses that indie spirit in the way he makes fun of talent-less reality show stars on a basic cable show geared towards 14-year old girls.

Bruce Springsteen Forgets He is Bruce Springsteen

Bruce Springsteen covered Willow Smith's 'Whip My Hair' in a skit on Jimmy Fallon's Late Night show. 1977 just hung itself.

When You Gotta Go

Johnson City police said a man urinated on a police cruiser during a traffic stop for drunk driving. Much better than last week when something similar happened to a cop on a horse.

Turkey, Gravy, and Jessica

Jessica Simpson tells People magazine she'll be singing on a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Macy's got her cheap as part of a '2-for-1' package since she will also be the float.