Send In the Next Victim

Following the news of yet another actor injury occurring during a preview performance comes word that "Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark" is postponing future performances in an effort to explore new safety measures for the show. Even worse, U2 is still doing the music.

Eyes Up Poindexter

Hey dude on the right: Busted.

Celebrity Rehab

At Prince's sold-out concert at Madison Square Garden, Spike Lee played the tambourine as Alicia Keys, Jamie Foxx, Professor Cornel West, talk-show host Tavis Smiley, and others danced onstage. The singer wanted to prove that black people also are uncoordinated.

Loose Bitch

A dog in Germany has given birth to 17 puppies. Your move, Octomom.

Oprah and Gay-le

Oprah Winfrey told Barbara Walters that 'friend' Gayle King is "the mother I never had." Clearly, Winfrey has no idea how child birth works.

Jane Fonda TV

Jane Fonda said in a recent interview that she is interested in starring in a cable television series. Unfortunately, female-driven shows like 'The Closer' call TNT home, which is owned by here ex-husband Ted Turner. In other words, no.

Justice in the Jar

The Massachusetts Governor's Council voted unanimously today to confirm Supreme Judicial Court Justice Roderick Ireland's nomination as chief justice of the state's highest court, making him the state's first chief black justice. It also marks the first time Ireland and black were uttered in the same sentence and it did not involve a hate crime or Phil Lynott.

Pelosi: Size Queen

"If you want to crawl between this lady's legs... 11 inches minimum."

Stalking Uma

Actress Uma Thurman is staying mum about the convicted stalker who was recently arrested on charges of trying to contact her again. Phone privileges have since been taken away from Quentin Tarantino.

Obama Confused

President Barack Obama says he is "optimistic" that Democrats and Republicans will come to agreements on several issues in the coming weeks. He then admitted that he does not know what "optimistic" means.

Fabulous Military

Sen. John McCain on Thursday snubbed a military study on gays as flawed and said letting gays serve openly would be dangerous in a time of war. McCain fears adding glitter to the soldiers' camouflage outfits would blow their cover.

Qa-Where?

President Barack Obama says FIFA made the "wrong decision" in awarding the 2022 World Cup to Qatar over the United States. Mainly because no one can find Qatar on a map.

Food Fight

Guinness World Records recently confirmed the exclusive Lawrenceville Prep School in central New Jersey set the record for the biggest custard pie fight with 671 students and staff members, where each participant had to have access to at least two edible pies. One hundred miles north in Newark at 671 people could not afford to eat that day.